Dumb Flank in Distress
by albinotanuki
Summary: Derpy Hooves and Lone Warrior are starting to settle in, but when another mare distrupts the party, how will Derpy Hooves cope and will her relationship with Lone Warrior stabilize?
1. Meeting Foal Fighter

This is a continuation of my Lone Warrior series. I recommend first reading _Into the Everfree Forest_, _Into Ponyville_, and _Love is Blind_ before reading this fic.

* * *

Planting a garden in the backyard was a great idea. I never knew the Everfree Forest had such lovely flora. Lone Warrior and I planted a couple of plants and flowers as well as some carrot seeds my friend Carrot Top gave us; those carrots would make a great carrot cake (Did you know carrot cake is actually a muffin? No wonder I like it so much).

"These heart's desire are so pretty, and smell so sweet." I said planting a flower into the ground.

"I remember Zecora would use those flowers a lot in her spells." Lone Warrior replied, "I also remember Apple Bloom telling me that she got into trouble using one of her spells."

"Lone Warrior, is that you?"

Both Lone Warrior and I popped our heads up, trying to figure out where that voice was coming from. That was when I saw a pink pony with a brunette mane, turquoise eyes, and, for some strange reason, a wooden sword as her cutie mark.

"Lone Warrior, its me; Foal Fighter, from the orphanage."

"Foal Fighter?"

Lone Warrior seemed ecstatic hearing the name. The female pony wrapped her hooves around his neck and the both laughed with joy.

"Foal Fighter, this is Derpy Hooves. I'm currently living with her right now." said Lone Warrior trying to introduce his old friend to me.

"Well, its nice to meet you." said Foal Fighter as she took my hoof and shook it.

"Its nice to meet you too." I said. I looked down at her cutie mark and couldn't help but ask about it, "So how did you get your cutie mark?"

"I got this cutie mark from all my heroic deeds. Going on quests, fighting dragons, rescuing damsels in distress; I don't even know what a damsel is, but I rescue them on a daily basis."

I was a little confused about what she had just said. Why would she admit to saving damsels in distress if she doesn't even know what a damsel is?

"Wow," I said, trying not to be rude, "Your good deeds must've gotten you some attention."

"It sure has." said Foal Fighter, "I almost became a knight in Canterlot."

"Well what happened?" I asked.

"Princess Celestia said I was 'unqualified'." Foal Fighter sulked, "I bet she's prejudice against me being a knight because I'm a mare."

Wait a minute. How can Princess Celestia be prejudice against her for being a mare? Princess Celestia herself is a mare.

"Foal Fighter, would you like to come inside for some muffins? Derpy Hooves here makes delicious muffins." said Lone Warrior.

"I would love a muffin!" the pink pony chirped, "I like mine with mayonnaise!"

"I think you mean butter."

"That too!"

I knew it was rude to judge a pony on your first meeting, but something about Foal Fighter's mannerisms puzzled me. As Foal Fighter trotted her way to the back of the house where the kitchen was, I stopped Lone Warrior and pulled him aside.

"Hey Lone Warrior, could I ask you a question." I whispered, "I don't want to sound rude, but when you were growing up with Foal Fighter in the orphanage, did she have any... 'developmental delays'?"

"Well, she was a little late in getting her cutie mark, but other than that, she was normal filly."

"Well, its just that she seems a little-"

"Odd?" asked Lone Warrior in a stern voice, "You know, of all the ponies I've met, I thought you wouldn't be as judgmental."

"I wasn't-" I tried speaking, but got cut off by Foal Fighter's voice in the kitchen.

"Lone Warrior, I think I accidentally ate the paper cup that goes with the muffins."

"I'm on it."

As Lone Warrior rushed to the kitchen, I stood there in puzzlement. I never make muffins with paper cups; I always lube up my muffin tins with cooking spray. Sure, I've eaten a paper cup on accident as well, but not only are they unnecessary for making muffins, but that's the reason I don't make my muffins with them, so what would she have been eating instead? This all seemed very suspicious.

* * *

What do you think? Please R&R


	2. Runaway Tractor

Here's chapter 2

* * *

For Lone Warrior's sake, I decided I would try to make friends with Foal Fighter, so I decided to take her along with me on my mail delivery run and get to know her. We started with some small talk, though I would admit that it was hard to follow her logic on certain topics likes weather, cooking, first aid, etc.

"You know, you have such a pretty blonde mane, Derpy Hooves. I've thought about dying my hair blonde once, but then I thought about all the poor bananas they have to kill to make it."

Bananas? Okay, bananas are yellow, so I guess there's SOME logic to her thinking. So maybe she's not the brightest star in the sky, but she's at least nice enough. Perhaps she's at least smart when it comes to her cutie mark talent. After all, you can't get your cutie mark without discovering that certain something that makes you special.

It was at that moment, Snips and Snails, the two unicorn colts that get away with everything I get into trouble for, were running right in our path.

"GET OUT OF THE WAY!"

"RUNAWAY TRACTOR!"

My first initial reaction seeing the tractor coming towards us was to run out of the way. I looked back seeing Foal Fighter just standing there.

"FOAL FIGHTER, GET OUT OF THE WAY!" I shouted.

"DON'T WORRY, DERPY, I CAN HANDLE-"

slip

"AH, MY ANKLE!"

Foal Fighter screamed as the tractor headed toward her and then... it stopped. Then Foal Fighter got up and cheered.

"HURRAY! I SAVED THE DAY!"

My jay dropped. I knew Foal Fighter was dumb, but she seemed to have confused being almost run over by a tractor with stopping it all on her own, and she wasn't the only one; Snips and Snails seemed to have though that she had stopped the tractor on her own.

"Wow, you're a hero!"

Okay. I know my eyes don't work well, but I saw the tractor stop mid-way and Foal Fighter did nothing to stop it. I flew over to the tractor seat, adjusted my eyes, and was able to read the gas engine gage read "empty". Sure, Snips and Snails weren't the brightest foals out there, but even witnessing what had just happened would've told them that Foal Fighter was no hero.

At that moment, AppleJack ran over and stopped to catch her breath.

"You two are in so much trouble." she said to the two colts.

"You should've been here earlier." said Snips. "This pink pony here stopped the tractor all by herself."

"Yeah, she stopped it with her bare hooves." replied Snails.

"Its true." said Foal Fighter, "I helped save your tractor. My name is Foal Fighter, by the way."

"She didn't do ANYTHING!" I protested, "She just stood there and the tractor just ran out of gas!"

"Well I'm just glad it ain't broken. Better take this back to Apple Acres."

"I can help you push your tractor." offered Foal Fighter.

"Me too." said Snips.

"Me twelve!" said Snails.

Did no pony hear what I was saying earlier? She didn't do ANYTHING! I started to fume a little, but then calmed down.

"Love and Tolerance, Derpy." I muttered to myself, "Love and Tolerance."

* * *

What do you think so far? Please R&R


	3. First Argument

Okay, this chapter is a little more dialogue induced. Sorry if its hard to read.

After our little stroll, I decided to tell Lone Warrior all about what had happened while we were gardening.

"And when the tractor stopped, Foal Fighter started claiming herself as hero and everypony started believing her even though she didn't do anything."

"Well its not the first time something like that has happened." said Lone Warrior as he was pulling out some weeds.

"Wait, what do you mean?" I asked in confusion.

"Ever since we were foals, whenever some perilous danger would come about and Foal Fighter happens to be there, she would do absolutely nothing, then somehow circumstances will unfold in her favor, which somehow makes her end up looking like the hero. That's how she got her cutie mark."

"Well, I GUESS its okay. I mean, I'm able to tolerate Pinkie Pie's unexplained future predicting senses, but Pinkie Pie actually DOES something to earn her reputation; Foal Fighter didn't do anything."

"I know. I'd often worry about her getting into danger and would try to rescue her and even in situations when I actually stop what's happening, she'd get the credit for it."

I spit out my trowel in shock.

"WHAT?!"

"Look, the fame for me isn't important, Derpy."

"I don't care about that, even if you SHOULD'VE gotten recognition for your actions; I care about the fact that you've been putting yourself in danger."

"Well, you never seemed to complain every time I saved your flank from constant danger." said Lone Warrior pompously.

"Hey, I at least TRY to get myself out of danger. Foal Fight doesn't seem to do anything. She's... she's just a dumb flank in distress!"

"Well that 'dumb flank in distress' happens to be my friend."

"Well friends need to give and take. Foal Fighter has been doing a lot of taking, but I doubt she's been doing a lot of giving. I saved your life in the Everfree Forest by gathering medicine for you; you wouldn't even be back living in society if it wasn't for me saving you from your self-indulgent pity."

"Well maybe I would've been better off living in the Everfree Forest than living with you."

"Oh, and you think your 'childhood sweetheart' is any better? She'd probably leave you for dead the last time you try saving her." I sassed back.

"Yeah well-" Lone Warrior seemed to be at a loss of words, "well you're just a clumsy filly who won't amount to anything!"

I gasped. How could Lone Warrior be so cruel? My eyes started to fill up with hot tears and I started to sob. His words; how they hurt so much. I cried so hard, that I didn't notice Lone Warrior had rapped his hooves around me until I heard him speak.

"I'm so sorry, Derpy. I didn't mean to hurt you."

I felt his tear mingle with mine. I looked at him seeing his clouded blue eyes filled with tears. He truly meant he was sorry.

"Our first fight." I sniffed, "I let my jealousy of Foal Fighter got the best of me."

"And my pride got the best of me." said Lone Warrior.

"How could we have let ourselves stoop to this level?"

"I don't know, but lets not let petty things like this get in the way of our love."

I nodded as Lone Warrior stroked my mane, comforting me.

* * *

Please R&R.


	4. Picnic and Secrets Revealed

Fourth chapter.

* * *

After the first argument I've ever had with Lone Warrior, I decided to try harder in being a good friend to Foal Fighter.

"Foal Fighter, hey."

"Oh, hi. What's up?" asked Foal Fighter.

"Well, it seems we had gotten off to a bit of a bad start, so I want to start over. Hi, I'm Derpy Hooves."

I reached my hoof out and shook hers.

"Well, now that that's out of the way, how would you like to come with me on a picnic?" I offered, "I'm meeting my friends at the park and I'll be bringing muffins with me."

"I'd love to." chirped Foal Fighter.

"Great." I said, "I'll grab the muffins and we'll be off."

So I packed some muffins and Foal Fighter and I set off. Soon we met up with my friends in the park.

"Hi everypony, I'd like you all to meet Foal Fighter."

Everypony greeted Foal Fighter with open hooves.

"Why don't you come sit with us?" offered Twilight Sparkle.

"I'd love to." said Foal Fighter.

Foal Fighter and I sat down on the blanket with the other ponies as I placed the muffins next to the other picnic goods.

"So yer the one who stopped that tractor the other day." said AppleJack, "What other heroic deeds have ya done in yer lifetime?"

"I've done a lot." Foal Fighter chirp, "For instance, I stopped an evil villain from taking over an entire kingdom."

"How did you do that?" asked Rainbow Dash.

"He fell on a rock and went unconscious."

Everypony stared in confusion.

"So, how did you get your cutie mark?" asked Twilight Sparkle, "I'm sure that has an interesting story behind it."

"Oh there is." said Foal Fighter as she started telling her story, "It was late at night and I awoke to a noise outside the orphanage. A unicorn was stealing a magic book and I was ready to stop him. So I lunged at him, grabbed the book and was able to turn him into the authorities."

"Wow! That's super duper amazing!" chirped Pinkie Pie.

I was not so impressed with Foal Fighter's story. Somehow, her story seemed all too familiar. I could've sworn Lone Warrior told a similar story about how he became blind. Obviously, Foal Fighter would be too naive to know what the truth is, so I had to get it from the blind pony's mouth.

After our picnic, I decided to pay Lone Warrior a visit. He was in the garden, watering a zap apple tree when I approached him.

"You wish to ask me something, Derpy?" he asked as if he seemed to have known that I was there.

"I do." I said, "Foal Fighter told me and the other ponies a story about how she got her cutie mark and it sounds awfully similar to your story about how you became blind, so I wanna know the truth."

Lone Warrior put the watering can down and sighed.

"Promise not to tell anypony, especially Foal Fighter; she would be devastated if she knew the truth."

"I promise." I said, crossing my heart.

"I woke up that night to see Foal Fighter had gone outside and was getting herself into trouble with the rogue unicorn. I stormed out to save her and at that moment, the unicorn was about to shoot his magic at her, so I pushed her out of the way and got hit instead,."

"That's terrible." I gasped.

"I've kept it a secret so I wouldn't upset Foal Fighter making her think she was the cause of my blindness."

"Well your secret is safe with me." I said, wrapping my hoof around Lone Warrior.

"Thank you." he replied and then places a kiss on my nose.

* * *

Well that's it for this chapter. For inquiring minds, no, I don't know whether or not Lone Warrior had to dress up in a bunny suit singing "ABC" to the water (though that WOULD be funny to see). Anyways, please R&R.


	5. Spilling the Beans

Sorry I'm late. I've been having major writer's block as well as the Holidays getting to me. Anyways, here's the next chapter.

* * *

To show Foal Fighter some hospitality, I decided to invite her to dinner.

"What these green leaf things?" asked Foal Fighter, "They look like hedgehogs."

"They're artichokes." I explained

Foal fighter then started to eat the leaves whole.

"You're only suppose to eat the tips."

"Well that's wasteful."

As we were eating, I couldn't help but notice the golden medal around Foal Fighter's neck.

"That's a pretty impressive medal you have." I spoke.

"Thank you." said Foal Fighter, "I got this medal from the mayor after saving a baby from being eaten by a vicious monster."

"I heard about it. It was a garden snail."

I looked away for a bit, thinking to myself. Foal Fighter gets a medal for saving a baby from a tiny snail? I saved Lone Warrior from dying from a poison dart and nopony ever gave me a medal for my heroic deed. Sure, I accidentally caused him to get hit, but it seems like even when Foal Fighter makes a mistake, everything mysteriously goes her way. Where was that luck when I needed it?

"Its good to see you again, Foal Fighter." said Lone Warrior smiling.

"Its good to see you too." Foal Fighter smiled, though I don't really know if she realizes Lone Warrior is blind, "Hey, remember when Wet Willy tried digging that pool in the backyard?"

"Sure do. I remember he tried to fill the hole with the hose and water got everywhere. Is he doing anything now?"

"Last I've heard, he's working off the coast of Clophoofhagen looking for sea ponies. I hope he finds them."

"He'd better bring back proof if he wants to be taken seriously." I muttered.

"Now what's that suppose to mean?" asked Lone Warrior, seemingly suspicious of what I meant by saying that.

I had forgotten that Lone Warrior's sense of hearing was stronger than most ponies and I found myself turning red from embarrassment. It was then I decided to change the subject.

"Well eat up, you two, cause for dessert, we'll be having kadayif."

"I know what those are; those are those sweet haystack thingies!" chirped Foal Fighter.

"So no muffins this evening, Derpy?" asked Lone Warrior.

"I thought I'd make something new this time; something that was a bit of a challenge."

"I once tried making a peanut butter sandwich out of horseradish and construction paper. It tasted spicy." said Foal Fighter out of the blue.

I had no response to that.

"So Foal Fighter, what's the fondest memory of the adventures you've had?"

"Oh yes. My greatest memory is when I saved Canterlot from this giant dragon. I used all my might to slay him. There were a couple of guards there too, but I took him out single hoofedly."

"Okay, are you sure it wasn't the guards that took him out?" I responded, "Cause I highly doubt that you would've done that on your own."

"Derpy, please-" Lone Warrior tried to defend.

"No! I am not going to play stupid just to be nice to her!" I finally snapped, "Foal Fighter, you never actually do ANYTHING to gain your reputation as a hero; all those things that have gone your way are simply out of dumb luck. You shouldn't even have that name of yours; your name should be 'Bimbo' cause that's what you are!"

"Alright Derpy, I've had enough of your attitude." said Lone Warrior.

"As if you shouldn't be angry too. If it wasn't for her getting in trouble with that unicorn the night she got her cutie mark, you wouldn't have been blinded in the first place!"

I put my hooves over my mouth, realizing I had spilled the beans. The damage had already been done as Foal Fighter's eyes filled with tears and she ran out the room, crying. I could see Lone Warrior was upset too; anger was clearly shown in his face.

"I trusted you." he said in a low voice before walking out the room as well.

What have I done? I made somepony cry and now Lone Warrior hates me. This is all my fault.

* * *

So anyways, please R&R.


	6. Fire

I wish I was more inspired for this chapter. Anyways, here it is.

* * *

I spent that night outside in the park eating Kadayif alone. What was once a decadent Saddle Arabian dessert was now nothing more than shredded wheat with honey goo and a side of shame. How could I have let myself sink this low? How could I have become so bitter and mean spirited?

It was at that moment I saw Pinkie Pie walking her pet alligator.

"Hey Derpy. Why so glummy-glum?"

"I made an idiot of myself and now Foal Fighter's sad and Lone Warrior hates me." I sighed.

"Aww, don't beat yourself up, Derpy." Pinkie Pie said, putting her hoof around me, "Ooh, kadayif! May I have some?"

I pushed the plate of kadayif over to her and Pinkie Pie started eating one by one.

"I got mad and jealous at Foal Fighter and I said something to her that I promised Lone Warrior I wouldn't."

"Everypony makes mistakes, Derpy."

"But mine was a big one. I don't think Lone Warrior will ever forgive me for what I did."

"Of course he will. I'm sure if he messed up big time and was sorry for it, you'd forgive him, right?"

"I guess..." I said hesitantly.

"Well then he'll be able to forgive you."

I sighed. It didn't feel as if anything I do will make him forgive me and mend my friendship with Foal Fighter. I also felt as if I had forgotten something back home as well. Then it hit me.

"I FORGOT TO TURN OFF THE STOVE!"

I sprung up and started galloping back home. I tried to reassure myself it wasn't a big deal; its not like the house is gonna burn down or anything like that. Unfortunately, my worst fears seemed to have come to reality as I saw firetrucks drive up around the corner over to the burning building. Why is it that whenever I think of the worst things to happen, they do?

I saw Foal Fighter walk out from the house with Lone Warrior unconscious over her back.

"LONE WARRIOR!"

I ran over to them as Foal Fighter lay Lone Warrior on the ground to my feet.

"We were just talking as he was trying to comfort me and then all off a sudden, there was this huge explosion."

"I don't blame you, Foal Fighter, this was entirely my fault."

I looked down at Lone Warrior and held his head up onto my lap.

"Lone Warrior, I'm so sorry I let all this happen. I still don't understand how Foal Fighter's talent works, but if it saves other ponies, especially you, I forgive her. I hope you could forgive me too."

My eyes filled up with tears and I quietly sobbed. It was then I felt his muzzle up against my cheek and heard him whisper in my ear.

"I forgive you."

I looked over at him as he had a smile on his face. I threw my hooves around him, knowing he was going to be okay.

* * *

Its not quite over yet. There's still one more chapter left. Anyways, Please R&R.


	7. Foal Fighter's Goodbye

Okay, final chapter. Short, I know, but at least it'll tie everything up.

* * *

There was a bit of damage to my house due to my own ditzy ignorance. Luckily, the Apple Family had promised to help rebuild the house and at least the garden is alright; in fact, we may have more room to expand. Lone Warrior quickly recovered and the two of us were back together again. Finally, it was time for Foal Fighter to move on.

"Are you sure you don't want to stay longer?" asked Lone Warrior.

"There are ponies out there that'll need my help;" said Foal Fighter, "I don't want to keep them waiting."

I felt bad for earlier and wanted to tell Foal Fighter I was sorry.

"Foal Fighter, I'm really sorry about what I said earlier."

"Thats okay. I'm over it." said Foal Fighter quite forgivingly, "Well, I'm off. Hope to see you guys some other time."

With that, Foal Fighter went off into the sunset. Sure, I may never understand how her powers work and how she ends up being the hero without doing anything, but if it truly helps other ponies, I guess I shouldn't complain.

* * *

Okay, so thats that. Please R&R.


End file.
